“Security Threat”
I’m having a bone scan today as part of my routine scans. I get a radioactive dye shot in my veins and three hours later come back to get the scan.
I’ve had a few of these, but this is the first time I received a form that gives me security clearance in case I go on a plane the next few days. I guess this is in the event I go through a radiation detector at the airport. Well I did hear there was a security alert for al-Qaeda, so you can never be sure …
It is always strange going through scans every three months. I’ve been so busy, happy and healthy these past few months that it seems surreal that cancer is even on my radar. Then scans come up, and I’m once again reminded.
I had a crazy thought the other day: “Hey this cancer can’t come back; I’m doing this blog and book about miracle survivors!” Then I reminded myself that these tests are not about “getting a perfect score.” I know that I can only do my part and leave the outcome to my higher power (for me, God).
I know from talking to other survivors that this a normal reaction. Yvonne Cooper, who is a wonderful ceramic artist and incredible survivor featured in my book shares:
My work has helped me through my ups and downs. I remember texting my therapist, saying, “I have scanxiety! My scans are coming up in a few weeks.” She replied, “Well, what does your body say?” I said, “I can’t hear my body, my mind is working overtime!”
I went down into my basement studio and started working with the clay and said to myself, “OK, get a grip; what are you doing?” It really helped me to focus.
As I said before, I am grateful that I don’t get as anxious as I used to. In fact, I feel amazingly calm right now. Like Yvonne, I focus on what I love – like writing and being a mom to my 10-year-old – and the anxiety dissipates. I’ll share more of Yvonne’s amazing story in a future post.
Now I’m curious about your experience. Those of you who get scans, how do you overcome scanxiety?
Ashley says:
Am going through it right now. Had ct yesterday. I’m trying to realize that I can’t do anything about the results, they will be what they are and we will adjust accordingly. At least it sounds good.
I pray a lot. Find that I eat better when I am freaked out so that is good. Gotta find a way to overcome it but I’m not sure there is a way to do that, just ways to deal with it.
tamilb says:
Here’s a comment that came through from Jack Gray, cancer-survivor extroidinare:
For those who still deal with scanxiety, you are not alone. Yesterday I had my five year check-up and eventhough my numbers were great and I’ve been feeling terrific, I was still nervous. I don’t think that will ever go away. I also found out that instead of being able to stop at 5 years for every 6 month check-ups, it’ll have to be 10 years becasue of the aggressiveness of my cancer. I’m okay with that. I’d go every month if I had to. But it still makes one anxious every time. Hang in there and LiveStrong to all of you. And to Tami, what a great job you’re doing. You are an incredible person. God Bles You, Jack
Rosemary Paul says:
I admit to having scanxiety. It has taken a long time to forgive myself for getting cancer. I know that may sound stupid but my cancer (at that time) was rare and my mom had to race to find me a doctor who knew anything about it. I was given 3 months to live with all the mestasis going on. I have beaten that by 26 years but I still have to get tests and scans and anything else they think up.
I realize that they are just trying to take care of me, but inside I am screaming the whole time. I hate to be in MRI tubes. I have never in my life been claustrophbic but get me in an MRI tube and I am nearly crying to get out.
For 6 weeks in my cancer treatment, I had radiation therapy. I consider RT the gift that keeps on giving! I have been suffering for years with back pain. I had a doctor who read my old files and realized that my spines degeneration stems from the RT.
I realize the tests are necessary so my doctor can see the progression of the disease but I get the shakes every time I have a new test scheduled. I will admit I do some of my best lamp worked beads the night before a test!
After my last MRI my doctor had told me I should start getting some training and some therapy to adjust to the fact that I am looking being in a wheelchair. I asked him how long and his answer was within 5 years. I have a morphine pump implant to help me with my daily pain levels due to the spinal degeneration and I have an MRI scheduled for 09/30, just typing that made me nervous!
So with the help of my pump, the support of my husband and my different belief system, I will continue with my business, my work for cancer research and my scanxiety for as long as I have my life.
I want to show other cancer patients that cancer and the treatments needed, can be survived. Everyone of you out there who has survived cancer or is fighting the disease are heroes.
Remember the disease wasn’t your fault. Don’t ever blame yourself for getting cancer.