Update on me: physical, mental and spiritual
“Hope expects an answer sometime in the future; faith takes it as having already been given.” -H. Emile Cady
I have been stalling writing a blog post, mostly because I strive to be totally honest here, and I don’t want to worry you all. Another reason is I wanted to have a game plan to share with you rather than leave you up in the air. I am facing a scary time right now.
The cancer has grown to the point that it is affecting my bodily functions. Last week, I was in two emergency rooms for almost a day and hospital for two days due to a partial bowel obstruction. (For my husband Mike’s update of events leading up to this, click HERE.) They took me off the clinical trial that I’ve been on as it obviously is not working at all.
It is pedal to the metal time now. I am getting a liver biopsy on Tuesday for a brand new trial called MATCH that will see if I qualify for one of 10 study medications. I will look at further trials in the event they don’t find a match. Besides being on a semi-liquid diet (certain mushy foods are allowed), I feel good. I am focusing on getting nutrition and trying to satiate my hunger. I am not in pain and I can walk and do normal activities. It feels like the calm before the storm.
Mike reminds me how bleak things looked three years ago until I found Afinitor, which worked for 20 months. I still have faith that once again I will find a treatment that works. I am leaving no stone unturned.
As I did when I was first diagnosed as stage IV back in 2008, I am turning to my faith to keep me calm and focused. When my thoughts go dark, I pick up my extensively highlighted and underlined copy of The Complete Works of H. Emily Cady and readings from The Daily Word. A turn-of-the-century homeopathic practitioner and metaphysician, Cady treated her patients both medically and spiritually.
Believe me, I’ve done some pleading with and crying to God, but I feel comfort by doing affirmative prayer. It’s not just hoping I’ll get better, it is having faith that God is already working in and through me. Despite what scans say or the doctors say, I can affirm “God is in me, full abundant health now.” I know this may sound weird for some of you, especially for those of you who don’t believe in God. I’m just sharing what is helping me right now and what has helped me in other times of crisis.
So many people have reached out with prayers and offers of help. I’ve received so many flowers, cards and even a care package from some lovely young girls and their mother, whom I met at the Survivorville convention this summer. I feel very blessed and thankful for all of you. Know that I feel your prayers and love.
As the name of this blog and my book indicates, I believe in miracles. I’ve seen them happen in others and in my life. And I’m open to them now.